It’s that time of year when love is in the air as Valentine’s Day approaches—or Valentimes Day if you’re in first grade. We all remember that moment when we realized it’s actually an “n,” don’t we?
Typically, Valentine’s Day makes everyone feel just a little sweeter and more loving, but that was not the case during my first year as an elementary principal.
That year, we had a very special parent. Her name was Nina, and we called her Nina-1-1 because a school visit typically meant calling the police. The moment her big white van pulled up, my secretary and I sprinted for the workroom—hearts pounding, adrenaline pumping.
Eventually, we had to come out and speak with her, bracing for impact.
Valentine’s Day was on a Thursday that year, and there was no school on Friday. By bright and early Monday morning, our phone was already lighting up—Nina was back at it. Names were called, threats were made, and once again, I said, “I’m going to hang up now.” I didn’t even know what the issue was. She’d start in her sweetest voice—almost convincing—then, thirty seconds later, she was in full Exorcist mode, and I was hoping her head wouldn’t actually start spinning.
On the eighth call in five minutes, I finally realized her tirade stemmed from last Thursday’s hot lunch tray. Because it was Valentine’s Day, the hot lunch included a heart-shaped sugar cookie. She opposed celebrating holidays, and we had accommodations firmly in place. However, the sugar cookie had escaped our notice, and we were now paying the price.
That was just one of many tirades—unreasonable reactions to entirely reasonable situations. It was also an early lesson in one of leadership’s greatest truths: Never try to reason with the unreasonable.
Key Takeaways to Love:
- If someone continually berates, barrages, or belittles you, it may be time to implement a communication plan. We can’t allow staff to be riddled with abusive language and actions—including you.
- When people are out of control in some situations, they may try to exert more control where they can. Unfortunately, that may mean the school setting. We don’t always know the rest of the story.
- Make reasonable accommodations and remember that people are human. When juggling countless requests and preferences, some details might slip through the cracks. Make plans to avoid those circumstances, and use grace when they happen despite the best-laid plans.
- Review problem-solving protocols through school and classroom communications at the beginning of the school year. Keep small problems small and solve them at the lowest level of impact. Hold people to those expectations as consistently as possible.
- Take ownership—but only to the extent that makes sense. There’s a difference between saying, “I’m sorry that happened” vs. “I apologize we did that.”
- Document everything. When dealing with ongoing difficult situations, keep a record of interactions, agreements, and accommodations. A well-documented timeline can be your best friend when emotions run high.
- Know when to disengage. Not every battle needs to be fought, and some conversations will never be productive. It’s okay to say, “This conversation is no longer productive, and I’m going to end it now.”
- Lean on your team. You don’t have to handle every challenge alone. Whether it’s staff, district leadership, or even legal counsel, use the resources available to you. Sometimes, shared wisdom is the best solution.
- Self-care isn’t selfish. Dealing with constant negativity can take a toll. Set boundaries and find ways to recharge—because burnt-out leaders aren’t effective leaders.
At the end of the Valentine’s Day party, schools are microcosms of the world—full of personalities, expectations, and, sometimes, the occasional chaos of an unexpected sugar cookie scandal. While we can’t control every reaction (or every dessert), we can control how we handle tough situations. Whether it’s an irate parent, an unpredictable crisis, or just the daily rollercoaster of school leadership, staying calm, setting boundaries, and keeping perspective is key. And if all else fails? Maybe stock up on extra heart-shaped cookies—just in case.
Because in school leadership, the job isn’t always sweet, not everyone arrives with a “Be Mine” attitude, and some situations are downright impossible to love. But hey—at least there’s always chocolate. You Can’t Make It Up!
Happy Valentimes Day!
Jane