What do you do when the needs of one child threaten the safety and learning of an entire classroom? This is the impossible question educators wrestle with every day. Should they send the child home, knowing they may face neglect or reinforcement of negative behaviors? Or should they keep them in school, providing the interventions they need—possibly at the expense of everyone else’s well-being?
It’s a tightrope walk between compassion and practicality, hope and hard realities. Today, we explore the “You Can’t Make It Up” moments that define this dilemma, showing how educators are forced to make difficult decisions.
A Walk Down Memory Lane (Extreme Behaviors Aren’t New)
Extreme behaviors aren’t a new phenomenon. I still remember watching the movie A Circle of Children in 1977 at the ripe old age of 10. It depicted a school’s desperate struggle to support children with emotional and behavioral needs, sparking a realization in me that teaching might be my calling.
Fast-forward to my first teaching practicum, where I experienced extreme behavior firsthand. On Day One, a student refusing to complete a math sheet pulled a straight pin from the bulletin board and swallowed it. I froze, thinking, “This might not be for me.”
During my student teaching, I met Jackson, whose work-avoidance strategy was flipping his desk over in the middle of class. My cooperating teacher was often absent, leaving me to manage the fallout. Even then, the dilemma was apparent: How do you address these behaviors without losing control of the classroom? How do you give the attention and strategies needed to reshape behavior while continuing to attend to the entire group of children?
The Josh Chronicles: My First Year Teaching
By the time I had my own classroom, I thought I was ready. Then I met Josh. His unpredictability was legendary when I met him in sixth grade. He attacked peers, ran out of the classroom, and delivered verbal tirades that left me reeling.
With no timeout room, limited support staff, and a part-time social worker, keeping Josh in school was an uphill battle. His mother often lashed out at the principal and me during meetings, refusing to engage. Sending him home wasn’t a solution—he needed interventions we could provide. But keeping him in school was no picnic either. The safety and well-being of his classmates and my sense of control were constantly at risk.
Principal Mode Activated: Tristan’s Story
As a principal, the dilemma deepened. I met Tristan, a child who embodied every challenge I’d ever encountered as a teacher. Tristan’s frequent and physical outbursts left his peers unsafe and his highly skilled teacher overwhelmed. Yet school was his safest place.
Tristan’s home life was chaotic—evidence of neglect was constant, from bruises and belt marks to burns. Health and Human Services became a regular call. At school, he had meals, a predictable routine, and access to intervention. Sending him home risked reinforcing his negative behaviors and leaving him without the support he desperately needed.
But keeping him in school wasn’t easy. His behavior drained his teacher, disrupted his classmates, and raised serious safety concerns. Every day was a delicate balance: Whose needs come first?
The Heart of the Dilemma
Educators face these choices every day, and there’s no perfect answer.
Option 1: Send the child home.
- Neglect, chaos, or reinforcement of negative behaviors may occur. At best, they’re simply not learning.
- The child loses access to intervention, structure, and safety.
- Other students and staff experience relief, but the underlying problem grows worse.
Option 2: Keep the child in school.
- The child gets consistent meals, intervention, and a chance at stability.
- Their behaviors may disrupt or endanger peers and strain staff.
- The learning environment for everyone else suffers, creating resentment and burnout.
Both options carry consequences. Educators are left to weigh one harm against another, often with incomplete resources or complex supports needed to make a lasting difference.
A Growing Issue
Tristan’s story isn’t unique. More children are coming to school with trauma, mental health challenges, and behavioral needs so complex they require specialized support. Yet most schools lack the resources to address these needs fully. Teachers are stretched thin, and support staff are always in demand.
Meanwhile, the legal framework of IDEA adds complexity. These rules, designed to protect vulnerable students, often collide. How do you suspend or discipline a student when their behavior stems from their disability? The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) outlines strict rules about suspensions, manifestation determinations, and IEPs. Educators must constantly balance these requirements with the reality of their classrooms. These rules are vital, but they may not have been designed to handle the scale of the current needs.
The Hard Truth
Despite everything we did for Tristan—meals, interventions, consistency—it wasn’t enough. Eventually, he and his siblings were removed from their home, but the damage was done. Today, Tristan is in federal prison. The weight of his trauma followed him far beyond school.
Tristan’s story harshly reminds us that schools can only do so much. But it also gives us a reason to keep showing up. For every Tristan who falls through the cracks, countless others thrive because educators refuse to give up.
Educators don’t have easy answers, but they keep showing up. For every child like Tristan, there’s another whose life can be changed. The question is: how long can schools do this work without rethinking how we support significant student needs? When will they stop showing up?
What Needs to Happen:
- Require and integrate more intentional and intensive training in pre-service programs for educators. Many people experience on-the-job training, which is only as good as a cooperating teacher, internship hours, scheduled district trainings, and available resources. Empowering people through simulations and targeted coursework are important for setting the stage for proactive skills and strategies in real settings.
- Increase funding for mental health services and behavioral supports in schools and the organizations that provide treatment options and placements.
- Create new options that allow for specialized interventions, bringing clinical, educational, parental, and therapeutic providers into one space to design a comprehensive plan for students.
- Revise or create policies that allow for both compassion and safety, recognizing the complexity of these situations.
- Continue to promote and develop proactive measures that help students stay on track – community activities and partnerships, extra-curricular opportunities, and after-school and out-of-school care options are all essential for helping children find a place to thrive.
Keep showing up for kids!
Jane