In my first month as a superintendent, the blaring sirens from the nearby fire station became a familiar backdrop to my office. Little did I know that those wailing sirens would soon signal a tragedy that would blur the lines between professional duty and personal emotions.
The Situation: Lights, Sirens, Suicide
Before stepping into the role of superintendent, I was accustomed to managing crisis teams and protocols, ensuring that everyone involved could debrief and process the situation afterward. However, in prioritizing the well-being of others, I soon realized that, over time, I had neglected to care for myself.
Upon assuming the superintendent position, I initially assumed someone else would handle crisis management. Yet, within the first month, I realized that responsibility fell to me once again. When the sirens blared midday, triggering my adrenaline response, I was reminded of my sensitivity to such sounds, a sensitivity that had strangely begun during my first pregnancy. I would spend the next three years across the street from those sirens – I don’t recommend it!
The call turned out to be for one of our students who had tragically lost their life to a fatal gunshot wound. Our team swiftly mobilized, organizing our crisis response and addressing the aftermath of the student’s passing.
Knowing the family personally, I attended the visitation the night before the funeral, where the sight of the student’s saxophone among their belongings struck a chord. It was a tangible representation of his absence. No student in that chair. No one is playing that sheet of music. No one is picking it up to practice.
In the following weeks, I found myself driving home when the haunting melody of a saxophone on the radio shattered my composure, prompting a flood of emotions that I had suppressed in the name of professionalism. Pulling over until I could see through the tears again, I realized the toll the crisis had taken on my well-being. This wasn’t the first student death I had witnessed, nor would it be the last. Car accidents, cancer, suicide, and homicide would follow.
Processing: Management and Emotions
In the throes of crisis, it’s easy to become consumed by logistical demands, relegating emotions to the periphery and leaving them there. Yet, behind every tragedy lies a human story—a son lost, a community shattered, a void left unfilled. Tragedies also raise questions and fears in our own lives: What if this was my son? What if this happens again? How can I continue to do this? All of these events add up to trauma over time.
Teachable Moments: The Cumulative Effects
To navigate crisis events over time, we have to acknowledge that secondary trauma is a real thing. Even if you don’t deal directly with each incident, you are aware, and those events add up over time.
Here are some things to consider:
- Self-Reflection and Monitoring: Regularly self-reflect to monitor your emotional well-being. Be aware of personal stressors and triggers that may contribute to secondary traumatic stress. By recognizing early warning signs such as increased irritability or difficulty concentrating, you can take proactive steps to address your needs.
- Boundary Setting and Time Management: Establish clear boundaries between work and personal life to prevent burnout and secondary traumatic stress, particularly when you’re involved in the situation. This includes setting realistic expectations for workload and prioritizing tasks effectively. By practicing effective time management techniques and learning to delegate responsibilities when necessary, you can reduce overwhelming feelings. It’s okay if you miss an evening event!
- Support and Connection: When experiencing secondary traumatic stress, don’t hesitate to seek support from colleagues, mentors, or professional counselors. This may involve participating in peer support groups, seeking guidance from supervisors, or accessing mental health resources provided by the school or district. By reaching out for support and connecting with others who understand your experiences, you can reduce feelings of isolation and better cope with stress. If you’re uncomfortable seeing someone in your area, many online options are available.
- Self-Care Practices: Prioritize self-care practices for your own well-being and resilience. Be intentional about actually doing things that promote relaxation and stress relief, such as exercise, mindfulness, quiet times, or hobbies you enjoy. It’s okay to make time for regular breaks throughout the day to recharge and refocus. By incorporating some minor self-care into your daily routine, you can better manage the demands of your role and mitigate the impact of secondary traumatic stress. The open-door policy can be closed for a few minutes – it’s okay!
Moving Forward: Going the Distance
In the aftermath of a crisis event, we typically move on to the next day’s demands. But situation by situation, day by day, and year by year, those big and small traumatic experiences add up. Car accidents, police calls, staff deaths, public investigations, media circuses, lockdowns, crazy patrons, natural disasters, shootings or threats of shootings, and the constant stream of information about everyone else’s events. It’s a lot of You Can’t Make It Up Moments to deal with!
Key Takeaways: Dealing With Stress Over Time
- Acknowledge the Cumulative Effect: If you haven’t read up on secondary traumatic stress, take some time to learn about the effects that are common to those in service professions. (links below)
- Expect the Unexpected: Whether you’re new to difficult situations or a seasoned veteran with years of experience, every scenario is new. The same is true with our responses. We may think we know precisely how we’ll react to something, only to be surprised at how something catches us off guard or bothers us long after the crisis is over.
- Pay Attention: When your mind and body collide, some interesting things may happen, both physically and emotionally. If you’re experiencing symptoms that might be a warning, or if others are telling you things that may indicate a problem, DON’T IGNORE IT. See your physician or a licensed mental health professional to address the situation. Our profession needs you for the long haul!
Share Your Experience – The Sounds of Stress
Sometimes, we feel like we’re the only ones who have gone through a particular event, but the odds are good someone else has also been through it.
Perhaps you’ve dealt with some difficult You Can’t Make It Up Moments and need some support or can offer some helpful insights to others.
Drop a comment or send an email and share some of the load with others. Whether you’re an experienced educator or new to difficult situations, we’re here to connect!
Drop me an email at Jane@youcantmakeitupeducation.com and share your experience!
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Stay tuned for more stories, insights, and opportunities to learn from the absurdity of our shared experiences. Welcome to the ongoing journey of “You Can’t Make It Up Education”—where the stories are real, the lessons are shared, and the support is unwavering.
Here are some helpful links to understanding secondary trauma:
I remember this vividly. I was the building principal at the time of this student’s death and was asked to read the obituary at the funeral. I often think of him, particularly on his death anniversary. I have served on multiple crisis response teams in various districts where I have had the opportunity to work. You force yourself to compartmentalize your emotions and feelings to deal with the crisis and comfort others. I have never gotten over this student’s death, as well as other students I have known who have taken their own lives. You bury it and try to be a source of strength for others. I wish I had sought out counseling for myself. If I could offer any advice to others it would be to be mindful of your own mental health needs.